Living with family is distressful

Thank you for this lengthy advice. Honestly since 2017 I came to dislike my mom and even when we are on good terms my opinion about her doesn’t change. When I was a first year, I shared something with her about a bf and she would keep threatening to tell my dad what happened, for several months. The only reason I told her was to seek support because I was going through pain and I didn’t think she could make me feel worse. She would criticize me mercilessly for going to my bf’s residence and tell me that I should have waited marriage and that I acted really dumb for not waiting. She even asked me details for what we did in his room and got upset when I told her. Like WTF. When he hears other people’s stories which sound way more naughty than mine she would just be like “maybe she had a hard time” or “give her a break, she needs support.” Also, she’s never there to actually defend me when needed. I have had multiple cases where an individual was being rude to me and she would just stand there not doing anything. I would always have to defend myself and when I asked her why she doesn’t do anything, she would just say that she needed to pee or something. Then there would be times when she thought I was being rude to somebody and went on to apologize to them for my behaviour. Like she’s just perfect and responsible when she is with other people. That’s why people don’t believe that she is toxic. If I ever have kids I will be careful not to make them feel the same way.

My dad on the other hand is not a bad person, he sometimes tries to calm her down mom but she’s really persistent and poisons him. She would cry to him to make herself look like the victim and try to ruin my plans of moving out. My dad threatens to not let me move out in September because my mother is upset. That’s where she has to say “no. Let her go.” But she doesn’t. It’s like she enjoys it. I never want to live with her but it’s really hard find a job that pays well and I’m just about to graduate. Hopefully this September I will land in something.

/r/UofT Thread Parent