and we effectively live together and hang around naked together (I have a place that I barely use), when she has friends over, I must act like I don't live there.
So you live at her place most of the time and go back to your place when it's time for her to pretend you're not her live-in boyfriend. And you do this willingly? Sorry but I can't wrap my head around all the dysfunction coupled with the living arrangement. I take it you're living in two places / apartments (hers for most of the time and yours when it's time for you to pretend you're not her live-in boyfriend, which you are). I would say that if my understanding is correct then she's just using you as a financial safety net and telling you to go and get when some other, more qualified "candidate" starts sniffing around.
That's beyond dysfunctional.
Why do you put up with this?
How can you be so emotionally weak to still hang around her table waiting for her to throw you scraps and breadcrumbs?
Love is not a good enough reason.
Your respect for yourself should trump your love for her my friend.
My love for a woman stops at the point where she's sleeping around on me. If she cheats on me I've learned to turn off my love for her and leave her to her devices. I've learned to let her go. It's been one of the hardest things I've had to do OK? I cry as I'm writing this. It's happened once with my BPD wife and since then I've never been the same, even though she denied up and down that there was no vaginal sex. She just went to another town and blew some dude she knew in high school OK during a manic episode (she's undiagnosed BPD and bipolar)? How is that for dysfunctional. You know what? I was not ready to accept that and leave her. I went back to her and reunited with her after that for the sake of our two kids OK?
You need to get out of this emotional attachment you have for this very damaged woman.
When friends stay over, she often shares a bed with them.
That sounds to me like she sleeps with "friends".
I'm so sorry but you should not allow her to disrespect you this way. You need to tell her that for you to be able to love someone, they need to love you back, they need to only love you and no one else, to be devoted solely to you. (monogamy is the normal way for most people as far as emotional attachment and relationships go) She needs to understand that if she can't commit to you and you alone in private and public (in front of friends) then you're not going to be there for her. Love is a two way streak. This is how committed relationships work.