Of course, I'm missing human connection, and plainly love in my life. I get my dose of people smiling at me through customer service interactions. I'm also missing something that gives a purpose or common goal with other people.

I have to find a way to be patient. I'm going at the speed that I can, it's just too slow. Certain thoughts and memories trigger a cascade in me and I have this intense need to fix this, do something, I just can't stand being in this situation, I urgently need to go. It's very umcomfortable, I don't know how to describe it. I need to go, but there's no direction to go in that makes the pain go away.

The job ...idk, it's at some kind of equilibrium. Yes, it takes a lot of my energy, but I don't see a good alternative. It also provides me with a sense of achievement sometimes. I've been without that for quite some time, and it wasn't good for my self esteem.

Then there's health issues, I just have to accept them and try to manage them, but they make everything much harder.

I don't know. I'm in some kind of fog and I can't see. I will keep wandering and looking, I guess.