Long Distance Relationship - My [23 M] girlfriend [21 F] are in a rut

Long distance relationships are hard - especially when both of you are adjusting to new situations. She’s in school and you’re working, which already means you’re both having different life experiences. You’re probably both in different mental places, which might explain why she feels you’re judging her for partying etc. Whether that’s true or not, you need to think about. If it is, ask yourself - where is the judgement coming from? If it’s not true, then what do you think her insecurity is stemming from?

I’m guessing you don’t want her speaking to this guy as theres obviously potential she will hurt you. That’s completely understandable and yes, what she did is wrong. In relationships you are allowed to tell your SO if their behaviour is making you upset or uncomfortable. Similarly though, it’s bound to cause some sort of resentment from her if you try and stop her interacting with him if she doesn’t fully understand where you’re coming from .

This requires communication, and lots of it. That’s one of the things I learnt when I went in to a LDR after 2yrs of living together (also due to school and work situations). You really need to change your relationship dynamic. Communication should be absolutely key. You both need to dedicate time to working out your feelings and explaining to each other why you’re both acting the way you are. This is even better in person. You could try and visit her if it’s possible. See what her life and friend group are like- it might calm your worries. Or she could come see you. You need to talk it out in person and figure out if your both willing to try for your relationship.

Every relationship has ups and downs. It’s impossible to have clean sailing for the whole of your relationship. Difficulties will arise, people can be assholes. You might get hurt, or you might hurt her. Work out if it’s something you can both overcome together, and most importantly, if you both will be HAPPIER for it.

Again, it sucks that she did that to you. Every relationship is different, and thus has its own boundaries. If you’re not OK with stuff, you need to communicate that calmly. Remember that, you can only control your reaction- not hers. Let her know youre hurting, I’m sure she is too. Communication is key. Sorry if this is somewhat rambling advice. Goodluck man

/r/relationship_advice Thread