Hopefully you read this before I delete it since I'm on my main account and don't wanna switch back.

My friends are the only place I really feel comfortable and usually I can stay feeling at about a 5/10 neutral on the happy scale for like a week after hanging out. The best moments of life have been with them and I'm not giving that up yet.

And I really don't think the alcohol is the problem, although I'm aware it's not the solution or helping either. I'd much prefer weed if I had better access and less chance of getting caught.

I did a lot of sports and exercising In high school and have been trying to get back on it but heavy workload, having to do it alone, and a broken sleep schedule (suicidal thoughts keeping me awake and sleeping in until 11 every other day made me not keep up on it. Restarted In summer but work sometimes would go from 8 to 6-7 o'clock and be all sweaty and just wanna chill. I really want to get back into it.

Thx for listening to me tho. I'm gonna try quitting porn and start working out again. I've said this about 30 t8mes this summer