Looking for advice trying to help a bronze player

Alright, I don't play ranked myself (yet), but I'll still try to give you useful advice. (As opposed to your friend I'm relatively aware of general do's and don'ts of LoL, and I've dealt with toxic behaviour/anxiety-issues/whateveryouwannacallit before) Take it as "advice on how to deal with a noob from a noob" if you want.

When he plays Udyr, he takes Exp Quints (which he swears by), and usually finds himself at half health or lower by the time he's completed 4 camps, at which point he goes to...

IMO Jungle is the most noob-unfriendly role even after the Jungle rework. Support is also somewhat noob-unfriendly but more in the sense of not learning how to last-hit. In other words I don't think Jungle is a good role to play for him, but deciding whether or not forcing him to play another role is a good idea is ultimately up to you.

One of his most frequent complaints is about team composition. Every game, without exception, he finds flaws in the champs his teammates have chosen. When I ask him why, he says that at his elo team compositions decide every game.

Matchups/compositions matter significantly less than people tend to think even in higher elos (from what I hear they only become relevant from Gold upwards), and in low-elo they don't matter at all. They actually hurt you because at that elo playing something you know is always going to be better than playing something you don't in an attempt to counter-pick.

In other words: At least at the very noobiest level of play, actively ignoring matchups/compositions is the way to go, and I think you should try applying that to items. I personally find it very helpful to use a mostly fixed build when trying a new character as it takes item decisions off my shoulders and allows me to focus on actual gameplay. In case of your friend, having a fixed build might also relieve some pressure to perform, possibly making him less defensive.

Now, "l33t item skillz" aren't the only thing distracting him from gameplay, his chatting is too. I think telling him to mute everyone else would be the best way to get him to stop chatting all the time. (He won't feel defensive because you're not putting the blame on him for chatting, but on "the noobs" by implying they're not even worth listening to.)

Finally, I would suggest playing ARAM for fun while just strictly having him follow the recommended builds. Not only will this force him to try out new champs, but it also takes off some of the pressure to perform because it's a just-for-fun kinda gamemode.

As others have suggested, joining him in a Normal with your smurf would be adviseable too. I think having him go supp while you ADC would be best. From your OP I feel his biggest issue is feeling pressured to perform (doesn't help that he plays the two more high-pressure roles) and that will be relieved once he's playing with a friend.

/r/summonerschool Thread