Shadow is also called an archetype and its not an only archetype we project onto others. For example if you had a bad relationship with your father you might as well project the Father archetype, at least partially. Because you feel it's something you lacked in childhood now you'll most likely seek it in other people. For example people glorify Marvel superheroes because they project Saviour archetype onto them, Christ is also a good example of this. Most of these archetypes are in the collective unconscious while Shadow, Anima/us, Self and Persona are part of our personal unconcious(alongside Ego which observes these archetypes and sometimes acts according to them, its sort of like our cockpit in this giant spacecraft we use to manuever through life.) It's dangerous to project archetypes that are in the collective unconscious because no human can live up to them, those are sort of like pagan gods, both mythological and mystic-hard to live up to. The key of developing a healthy relationship is removing all expectations and realizing what you are projecting. Plus the thing is most of these men you describe are bound to be exact opposites from what they portray themselves to be, because a Persona(mask we wear to fit and hide our true selves) stands as compensatory to man's Anima, which is man's female part since we are all dual creatures good/evil male/female. And man's personal unconscious is governed by this female, Anima principle/archetype which also serves as a psychopomp. So for example if a man is too macho on the outside and puts all his effort into that he'll be "effiminate" on the inside and project that onto others. I think everyone should strive for balance instead.