I lost it

Sorry to hear you’re going through this. From a decision making perspective, can I ask you think this way? It sounds easier said than done, but you’re in the middle of it right now, so do these things even if they don’t ‘feel’ right.

1) don’t waste your tears, let alone your life, over someone who doesn’t care about you. You were betrayed by someone you trusted. You need to start looking at this person for who she really is - as opposed to who she portrayed herself to be.

2) work on healing yourself. Visit www.psychologytoday.com select ‘find a therapist’ enter your insurance details and zip code and find someone who specializes in veterans and their issues. Open your heart to them. If they don’t feel right, choose the next one and do it again. It is cathartic - no matter how tough you are.

3) lawyer up and LET THEM fight for you. Don’t get overprotective of her because of the good memories you shared. Go no contact with her and communicate through lawyers only. If they are expensive, remember “you can pay them now, or you’ll have to pay them later”.

4) forgive yourself. DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING BLAME YOURSELF FOR THIS. NO MATTER THE CAUSE, PEOPLE DON’T CHEAT UNLESS THEY WANT TO. The stages of grief manifest in different order for different people. Learn to identify them as you go through them. Journal furiously. If other areas of your life suffer, let them. You can build back up. Focus on your health right now.

5) try to find some coping mechanisms for yourself. Xanax, having sex with someone else usually helps. Sorry, but it does.

6) Be careful what you put online. Even incognito accounts are easy to trace. That’s why therapists are better. But remember not to threaten bodily harm to your ex in front of a therapist. They may be required to report it.

You can do this. You can get through it. Rooting for you!

/r/Divorce Thread