Hi. I am so sorry that you’re in a similar state of mind and are going through your own pain. Thank you for your comment, it actually really helped me, especially the “i just can’t see it or understand it yet”.

And idk i just felt since i was a kid laying in bed trying to fall asleep I had 3 constant thoughts, 1- my dad was living a secret life (which he was) 2- i was going to get a horrible illness like cancer (i haven’t yet) and 3- i was going to die at a young age (haven’t yet). i feel like that’s just always been my horrible anxiety, but i’ve had this deep sense that i was never going to live a long life. i hope that makes sense.

thank you for your comment. i appreciate it more than you know. I wish nothing but the best for you.