Just wanted to come on here and say that I am sorry this happened to you. UTI’s are my least favorite thing on this planet. They suck and are horrible and it sounds like the one you had was absolutely gut wrenching.
I would like to also say I can relate now with you on the herpes things. I had sex with my afab also trans now ex-partner, and about a month into dating, contracted herpes. Unknowingly, because he never told me up front that he had herpes. Originally was just oral hsv-1, but in February was diagnosed with gential hsv-1, about a month post break up. He had stated that he had to “take meds previously from contracting something” and also mentioned having a cold sore once. But me, never having any kind of an sti after having quite a bit of protected sex and taking initiative and being routinely tested. We also didn’t use protection most time. But also, to all of my knowledge, we never did anything while he had an active outbreak, so he was under the impression he couldn’t give it to me.
Anyways, I have learned that the first year, after that initial outbreak, there is still a chance of infection regardless of outbreak or not. And while being on antivirals will reduce that, there is still a chance.
I also relate to you having to now disclose that you are trans and have herpes. It’s not easy man. It is not easy. It is one of those things, that just absolutely is not fun. It’s lame and it something you shouldn’t have to be doing. That being said, it happened and we unfortunately cannot change it. When I met the person I just recently started seeing and sleeping with, I was upfront well before we even had a discussion of having sex. I told him that it was hard to discuss and he appreciated me being upfront, and vulnerable about it. It did not push him away, because I used as a way to form that connection and vulnerability with it.
It’s also really common. While it’s an incurable, life long sti that will have its effects, it’s also common. 80% of the population has herpes of some kind. It’s not an uncommon experience. A lot of people have it it, or knows somebody that has been effected by it. It’s not the end all, be all, and I promise you it will not prevent you from having any less of a satisfactory sex life.