[The following is being posted for a friend; I hope she sees it.] Dear Dossier: Iskra and I engaged in V-A-T three times today. It may have been a first time for Iskra, but for me it was a replay of what happened on July 11th.
Heaven knows that I deserved V-A-T today, because I saved a child's life at 9:30 in the morning. The mother thanked me for saving her toddler's life, and God thanked me by sending Iskra for a V-A-T trifecta.
Iskra accidentally (at least I hope so :-) V-A-Teed me and realized instantly that she possessed over me a power tantamount to Dorothy's Ruby Slippers. So Iskra waited a bit, and then she repeated the oh-so-ordinary request that had resulted in the oh-so-extraordinary dynamite shockage.
During our second rondo of V-A-T, Iskra verified her theory that she had discovered the secret of mollis aditus. I could tell that Iskra was getting terribly excited, because I myself could not believe that she and I were actually on rondo numero duo.
With a girl not as smart as Iskra, el segundo rondo would
have been the upsetting and unsatisfying end of it, sed et Iskra erat callidior. She made me take the thing back out again and she wrote down a third title on it. This time we both knew exactly what we were doing, and we were intimately playful and deliberate in our Visus Allocutio Tactus.
It was such a pleasant experience for tender-is-the-age Iskra that she came back again twenty minutes later with some phoney story about how she had forgotten to buy herself some food. I invited myself along and we went shopping like a bourgeois couple. Afterwards I pointed out a shiny red penny lying in the parking lot, and Iskra scooped it up. Then she picked up a dime, and another dime. "I bring you luck," I lied said. We walked all the way to her place, but she shook her head "No" (part of which I do not understand, but what part? :-) when I invited myself in. So I placed my left hand on Iskra's right shoulder and I invited her to join me some morning in my post-Roastery peregrinations. Iskra could show up as early as tomorrow, so I put two precautionary devices into my bag of tricks in case she wants more of what she got her first taste of today.
Lord knows that I have sinned against the gods of Love and Romance two times already with Iskra two years ago. When she first smiled at me on 14 February 2013, I asked Iskra if anybuddy had given her a Valentine that day, and she said that hard-to-understand word "No," so I gave her a Valentine's Day card from the eight-pack that I was carrying for Another Story. Since then I have quite freely addressed Iskra as "my Valentine," and she enjoys it. But Iskra and I never speak about my second sin, which was unspeakably devious and downright unfair. Iskra has a thing for Taco Bell hot sauce, so one day she sat beside me and I dropped five identical packages of TBHS into her cupped hands. Imagine her shock a few hours or days later when she got home and opened a package of hot sauce and chanced to read the clever Slogan printed on the package by the Taco Bell Corporation. "Will you _ _ _ _ _ me?" Imagine her grabbing all five of the packages one by one and seeing the same Slogan on all five packages. Even Esquire Magazine would forbid advising young or old men to do such an unspeakable thing to a poor innocent maiden. But it got results. On 2 December 2013 Iskra responded "Yes" I could walk her home -- "if I behaved like a gentleman." When Iskra saw her mother shake hands with me, Iskra demanded the same intimacy immediately. And we both agree that that day was the high point of our since attenuated romance, until the deeper intimacy that we engaged and indulged in today. Now, does Tactus with Vesuvia on July 11th and with Iskra on August 11th make me a two-timing Teddy? No, it is just how I bring joy to a maiden's heart. Vesuvia got angry (that's why her codename is Vesuvia :-) when I referred to her heart as her "whatchamacallit" but she still uses the mollis aditus routinely to maintain the intimacy between us. Iskra doesn't really want me like Vesuvia does, but Iskra has become aware of the new toy and so for a while I must be her boytoy. Captos fecit Romanos Graecia capta. [To be compte de Hoffman]