Ughh accidentally hit the back button after a 20 minute thoughtful reply! :(
In short, I get you 100% Thank you so much.
When you look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder it implies that you're some sort of emotionless manipulator who wrecks havoc on other peoples lives. You get symptoms such as has a grandiose sense of self-importance, requires excessive admiration, has a very strong sense of entitlement, is exploitative of others, lacks empathy, is often envious of others, regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. Now this is not me in the slightest.
However you also get a few supposed traits that I do identify with, for example, is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love and believes that he or she is “special” and unique. Honestly though I just love myself, but not excessively so. If I could be any other person in the world I'd pick me every time because I love my appearance and my attitudes. I think I've been mistaking this confidence for narcissism. It's almost like my generation is expected to be insecure, unsure of their life path and whatnot whereas I'm just sitting here with the end goal in mind, and all the steps along the way meticulously planned. I acknowledge that I'm not where I want to be, yet. At the same time I really believe in myself and know deep down that I will get to where I want to be, no matter how ambitious that goal may be. I think I've just been afraid to display this confidence for fear of coming across as arrogant. This is the first place I've been open about it.
I must admit that I've mistaken the definition of delusion of grandeur. I thought it referred to a preoccupation with becoming successful, omnipotent etc. rather than a false belief that one already possesses these superior qualities. I'm most definitely the former, but I think that's just because of how ambitious I am. I'm definitely not delusional, and now I see why I pissed so many people off.