Drinking and drugs will make it worse. But you already know that. Might even be why you’re doing it.

I got dumped at 21 and fell deep into drinking and lost all my friends because the friend group I had kept my ex close and pushed me out. I stopped college and moved in with my conservative parents. Had an intervention or 3 but I still drink more than a doctor wants but not to the point I need it like I used to. All the fucked up stuff that happened really motivated me to self harm mostly with binge drinking. The only thing thats gotten me to a better place then back then is just focusing on having as close of friendships as possible. Finding people I had no romantic attachment to whom I deeply love and want the best for and knowing they feel the same for me. Its hard finding those people. Being kind and having it given back even though you didnt expect it back gave me that sense of emotional intimacy and support I had lost with the breakup while also not being toxic with codependency like that relationship had been.

Im basically in an asexual polyamorous relationship with like 3 to 5 people. Some day Ill have a friend in there that I also have sex and live with. That will be my next relationship and It wont have the codependency issues I had because I got people elsewhere if someone cant help. Be ready for confusing emotions to come. Codependency fucked me up good and I didnt know what was good or bad for me for a while. Lots of bad hook ups, lots of short intense relationships. Eventually you relearn to be yourself. Just listen to what people stay and practice abstaining from harmful stuff as much as you can. But dont belittle yourself when you mess up. The fact you already know something is wrong is clear evidence that youre far better equiped yo handle this than most people at 21.