3. LPT Request: How to influence someone who is chronically late for things to be o...

LPT Request: How to influence someone who is chronically late for things to be on time?

I have a friend like this. I've had multiple very honest conversations with her about it and asked her repeatedly to try to be more on time. I've even tried adjusting my own expectations (something my therapist shared with me once: "_______ is just acting consistently with who I know them to be".)

But at the end of the day it's just flat out disrespectful. Being late once or twice -- okay, I get it. But every single fucking time? Now that's disrespecting me and MY time. Besides that I don't even live in town anymore, so when I do come to visit my time is super precious. I can't afford to wait around two hours for her to finally show up. It seriously pisses me off.

My therapist said set a time limit every time you agree to meet. Wait 15-20 minutes (or 30, whatever you decide). If she still hasn't shown up after the amount of time you've allowed her -- leave. And if she calls, "Say look, we agreed on a time and I waited 20 minutes for you. I can't wait any longer I have something else I need to do." And whether she gets upset or apologizes stick to your plan and don't come back. Agree to meet another time.

(Also, you don't have to make up a lie, but it's okay to say, "I'm sorry I have somewhere else I need to be." And then leave it at that. You don't owe her anymore explanation. And then actually leave and go somewhere else. Doesn't matter, you could just go for a drive or sit in a parking lot somewhere. You can do this even if she's supposed to be coming over to your place.)

If she gets upset and tries to blame it on this or that then it's truth time and tell her: "No. I'm not accepting that excuse anymore. If you were only late every so often this wouldn't be a problem. But you are habitually late to every arrangement we have together and it communicates that you don't value my time. If you want to spend time with me, then please be there when we've agreed to meet and stop making me wait on you."

Setting boundaries always costs something. But you're worth it, your time is worth it. And if your gf values you, she will honor your boundaries. Let her get upset. That's not your problem. She is the one who can't be on time and needs to figure out how to correct that if she wants to be in a relationship with you.

/r/LifeProTips Thread
Previous
Next

Recently removed from /r/LifeProTips

LPT request- My dad hasn't taught me anything other than you should make money & respect others LPT Request: How to overcome fear of getting blood drawn? LPT: Treat children like people. Give them choices and respect. The will do the same to others. LPT: Start a "Make Life 1% Better" Fund LPT: Some of your friends need to be explicitly invited to stuff LPT request: is 30 young enough to turn life around after a brutal meth addiction? LPT: Take a few days to familiarize yourself with a spreadsheet app (e.g., MS Excel, Google Sheets). The uses are endless for school, the office, life, and other people will think you're a wizard. LPT: If you find a faster way to do something at your work, keep it a secret from your manager. LPT: Always remember; no reaction IS a reactiom. LPT: If a job won’t tell you the wage before the interview, leave. If they don’t tell you, then it’s not a wage you’d be able to take. And they know it. They want you to invest all your time and energy interviewing so when they lowball you, you fall victim to the fallacy of sunk costs. LPT Request: Is there a way to become warm and bubbly person? LPT: Check on your friends who just had a baby. Ask if they need company, or anything, really. Keep calling them to social events, even if they are unable to attend for a good few months. Their routine has abruptly changed, hence most "friends" just vanish. LPT request: how to get up in the right time? LPT: Get a Prenup. It is far easier to decide how materials and custody should be divided while both parties are on good terms. It'll save you both a lot of time and money. LPT: One of the biggest mistakes you could make when trying to climb any company’s ladder is believing that your skill, talent, and work ethic will be noticed and rewarded. More often than not, the only thing holding you back is keeping your mouth shut.

More Random Comments

Why is there a dialysis-related proposition every election? Nurses, please do right by your PCTs/Aides Do you give unsolicited advice? A dendro core a day keeps Il Dottore away - General Discussion and Questions Thread What are your closet staples? The things everyone should have in their closet. Ontario transgender teacher sparks controversy by wearing giant prosthetic breasts in class Reddit loves justice videos of women getting hit Software company I work for announced an in-office mandate effective immediately without asking workers their opinions. I replied to a pro-remote work article someone posted and now have to talk to HR, the COO, and my boss on Monday What is the dumbest thing people actually thought is real? [M4F] Being turned into a free use guy for my family (Longer description in comments :) ) I AM SO PISSED OFF! Feds arrest Forex fraudster for $1M scam (Notice the alias is connected with other ongoing forex operations) Im madly in love with a friend and I don't know what to do Beware of any Investment Ads or "Testimonials" you see on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram - More than 95% are proven scams or alias "bait ads" for sophisticated frauds and/or identity theft. What is your crypto investing strategy?