LPT Request: How to influence someone who is chronically late for things to be on time?

I have a friend like this. I've had multiple very honest conversations with her about it and asked her repeatedly to try to be more on time. I've even tried adjusting my own expectations (something my therapist shared with me once: "_______ is just acting consistently with who I know them to be".)

But at the end of the day it's just flat out disrespectful. Being late once or twice -- okay, I get it. But every single fucking time? Now that's disrespecting me and MY time. Besides that I don't even live in town anymore, so when I do come to visit my time is super precious. I can't afford to wait around two hours for her to finally show up. It seriously pisses me off.

My therapist said set a time limit every time you agree to meet. Wait 15-20 minutes (or 30, whatever you decide). If she still hasn't shown up after the amount of time you've allowed her -- leave. And if she calls, "Say look, we agreed on a time and I waited 20 minutes for you. I can't wait any longer I have something else I need to do." And whether she gets upset or apologizes stick to your plan and don't come back. Agree to meet another time.

(Also, you don't have to make up a lie, but it's okay to say, "I'm sorry I have somewhere else I need to be." And then leave it at that. You don't owe her anymore explanation. And then actually leave and go somewhere else. Doesn't matter, you could just go for a drive or sit in a parking lot somewhere. You can do this even if she's supposed to be coming over to your place.)

If she gets upset and tries to blame it on this or that then it's truth time and tell her: "No. I'm not accepting that excuse anymore. If you were only late every so often this wouldn't be a problem. But you are habitually late to every arrangement we have together and it communicates that you don't value my time. If you want to spend time with me, then please be there when we've agreed to meet and stop making me wait on you."

Setting boundaries always costs something. But you're worth it, your time is worth it. And if your gf values you, she will honor your boundaries. Let her get upset. That's not your problem. She is the one who can't be on time and needs to figure out how to correct that if she wants to be in a relationship with you.

/r/LifeProTips Thread