My Niece is 14 and just recently reached out like I asked her to before having sex. I have held very open conversations about sex, safety, trust and communication for quite some time in hopes that she'll have better sexual experiences than I did starting out. I also know that when I was a kid finding someone to talk to outside of my friends was difficult and they never knew what they were talking about.
The main reason I asked my Niece to reach out before hand was to reinforce the conversations about protection, looking at her partners genitals for outward signs of std's at the start, using lube so the condom doesn't break from friction, being comfortable saying no to things before, during and after as well as assessing if she was truly ready at that moment for sex.
At 14 I really don't think she's ready and I am not a yes person in her life. I also know that if I lecture her she may not respond well or reach out again so I gave the std run down but also different perspectives such as: Is this someone you know? How will you feel if you do or don't date afterwards? Did he ask you or did you ask him? Do you have a safe space to have sex in that doesn't involve lying to your parents or sneaking around? Do you have condoms that fit and lube? What are the reasons you feel like you're ready for this, do you have any doubts as well?
At the end of the conversation she realized she wasn't ready for this and I was glad she chose to wait a bit longer. The real issue for her was trust, she realized through our conversation that she didn't know him very well and didn't know how he would treat her afterwards or if his reasons for asking her were in the right place.
I always try to convey to her that slut shaming is an unfortunate part of our society while reinforcing her body is hers to do with as she pleases. The hard part at that age is dealing with slut shaming while knowing your body is yours. I want her to know that she doesn't have to have sex with someone she loves, is in a relationship with or anything other societal norm pushed on women. She can have any partner guilt free but that by building a better connection over an extended period of time she can learn to build trust and base decisions off past experiences with that person. She realized that she didn't know him well enough to trust the after reaction to things and decided not to share herself intimately with him at this time which is awesome.
I thought I was ready for when she would reach out but I did panic a little when she first sent that text. I realized my panic was that I felt she was too young and not yet ready emotionally or age wise for the experience. Through our conversation I helped her realize that for now it's right but in the future it will be and she helped me realize she is hearing all of my advice and applying it maturely. I feel now that when the time does come she will use that advice as intended and I can trust her choices more.
I realize our situations are slightly different in that you feel your daughter is becoming ready but the base idea is the same: Know that you have prepared your daughter and when she is ready she will go ahead with all the information you took time to prepare her with. Thanks to you she will be better set up to experience healthy sexual relationships that build her into a wiser woman.