3. LPT: Teenagers, if you have a toxic friend, cut them off.

LPT: Teenagers, if you have a toxic friend, cut them off.

I have a "friend" who I have considered my best friend for nearly seven years. At first I got along with them better than anyone else I had ever met before. Over time, of course, we changed. I was still so attached to them, though, I think I was blind to how unhealthy the friendship had become. I was so invested in them, I would throw away everything just to help them or be with them. I put them before everybody (even myself), and I loved every minute I got to spend with them.

However, it was the time I spent away from them that made me realize it wasn't good for me. They almost never replied to texts, calls, or had any interest in making plans outside of obligatory face-to-face interaction (school). They weren't interested in talking about serious things - things that mattered to me, even problems I was having and needed someone to vent to about. They showed little-to-no desire in being a part of my life in the areas that mattered most. I was still so attached to them, I couldn't see that the best-friendship had run its course. I'm the kind of person that needs to have that "I'm giving you 100%" reciprocated. It killed me that they didn't return my level of interest, even if they still treated me as their best friend while at school. I missed hanging out with my best friend. I missed sleepovers and group movie dates and goofing off in the woods. It got to the point where I didn't receive a single message the entire summer break between junior and senior year. Not a single one. I realized that they didn't need me in their life like I (thought I) needed them in mine. But you know what? When I finally cut myself off from them, I felt better than I had in the entire seven years we had been friends. I felt free and independent again. I realized how unhealthy my attachment and dependence was on that person. I let them treat me as a fair-weather friend, someone they could drop in on whenever they wanted or needed something, but had no obligation to return the favor.

I can't blame the person for not returning my interest. We changed enough in those seven years that we shared very few interests, hobbies, or goals. There was more to separate us than unite us. The problem was that they had moved on, found other people that shared more in common with them than me, but I had not. They were (and still are) the person I felt knew me better than anyone else, simply from the years we shared of telling each other anything and everything. I was more at fault here than anybody else.

People change and we have to let our relationships with those people change. If we don't, we end up in an unhappy place. Those attachments are toxic, too. Don't trap yourself in an unreciprocated, unhappy cloud of "I'm afraid to let this person go because they have been in my life for years."

Don't make someone a priority if they make you an option. Don't be afraid of change. Don't let resentment or bitterness or insecurity get in the way, either. Focus on the positive things you learned from the person and move on. You'll be happier, wiser, and stronger because of it.

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