This post resonates with me. I understand how this experience felt and wishing you could turn back. I felt a deeper sense of empathy for others, meaning I would worry how they feel, small talk became meaningless and cringey, you wonder if they feel the same.. etc..

I am glad I can experience this myself, it has made me a better person. I am still trying to figure this all out also though. It is only recently I have began to love life than ever before. abstaining from heavy drug use, helping others, excersise, meditation and trying to follow a intuitive belief system. If I suddenly became the person I am today before all of this, I would probably think I was tripping balls.

Hope all the best for you.