Thanks for your comment. I’m upset and the “it’s not my job to catch you” was poorly worded. I understand that it is a struggle to quit and if SO had come to me and said “I’ve been smoking lately, I want to stop” I would be 100% supportive (this has happened before). It’s the asking them, “our [leased] car reeks of cigarettes, what’s going on?” and having them lie to my face that has me reeling.

I spent several years begging, pleading, cajoling them to quit. Didn’t work. I decided that I love SO more than I hate smoking so I’d live with it. I stopped saying anything. About 2 years later, SO decided to quit on their own. (One reason I’d get so upset the first few years when they’d start up again was that the mood swings were insane. I finally told them, I would rather you just keep smoking than have to deal with you in withdrawal once every month or two. Makes PMS look like a spring day). Anyway, though SO might still be a smoker if they were single (or with another smoker), I don’t think they necessarily quit for me.