I’m 21 and my dad ended his life

I'm glad you have a therapist. That's a first step. Ideally, they should have experience in "complicated grief". Basically, that means that someone has mixed emotions about the person who has died.

It's been almost a decade and I'm still trying to figure out if what he did was malicious. He had undiagnosed BPD. On the day he did it, he texted me to say that he had slept with some rando he met off the internet. He was trying to start a fight and get me angry. It worked because I broke up with him that night. Earlier that day, his brother, who was around 30 at the time, arrived in town with his two kids, both under the age of 10. This was an annual visit. Also, his mother was living with him at the time. The whole family was sleeping upstairs that night and at some point after midnight, he went out to the garage and hanged himself from the garage door track. His mother found him the following morning. We we all lucky that those kids didn't wake up early that morning to find his body. He was 40 years old. Several of us were traumatized. SOS (survivors of suicide) group therapy helped me quite a bit. Some survivors do better with 1 on 1 counseling but it just depends on the person.

/r/SuicideBereavement Thread