You have the exact same problem as AGPs. It's the result of years having an anxious form of self-reflection.
I don't know what to tell you, but just have a more holistic view of things. Look at conrapoints, he was a tall, square, intelligent guy, born in a first world country. And through this anxious self reflection he now paid to get pieces of his skull sawed off and wants to further molest his body to look like a porn woman. He had everything he needed to be masculine and get all the girls he wanted, he threw it all away because of a similar type of anxiety. Sometimes you have everything you need in the palm of your hand and your anxiety is keeping you from realizing it. Go be a normal girl and be happy you're not Danny DeVito with a vagina trying to convince a surgeon to make a fake penis out of your forearm skin.