Finding a way to be happy under capitalism was maybe the hardest thing I did, and my answer will probably not work for everyone.

One of my idols is Albert Camus, both in his work and personal life. He was an anarcho-syndicalist, an absurdist, an athlete and artist, all things I am. He really embraced living life to the fullest and IMO absurdism is the answer to existentialism.

With this, I prescribe closely to Mihalyi Csikzentmihaly’s theory of what makes people truly happy and that is a state of flow. I more or less reorganized my life to maximize states of flow, whether through sports, making music or art, reading (generally political philosophy or other radical stuff). He is the leading researcher on happiness and positive psychology but the corporations would rather consumption be the idea of happiness and so his theories really only exist in graduate level psych courses.

I also think its important to fight back, which OP, you seem to do well through your activism. Personally I use art (both my Anarcho-Punk rap project, and visual art) to at least feel like I am fighting back against the things that kept me depressed and hopeless for so long.

I wont pretend I know what you have been through or what it must be like to be trans in todays extremely transphobic world, but I think many people on this sub know what it feels like to be an outsider in one way or another. I grew up in trump country and as an atheist radical leftist and a man not scared of embracing the famine side of myself, I was constantly bullied by children and parents for being different. I stood up to racism and homophobia when few would. I know even if it was hard it did help people in my school who believed what I did and were too scared of speaking out or even expressing their true identity. I think being happy and doing what is right sadly rarely overlap as we have learned from many “true” leaders in the past. Fighting for what is right is almost always hard but even when it is hard or seems hopeless we have to keep fighting. Doing what you do makes a difference, even if it seems small, small things multiplied become large things. If you inspire even just one more person to take up the mantle it is all worth it but I believe you have even more potential for change than that. Just know that this whole sub walks with you even if we are far away and just internet strangers because we are all fighting for the same things and usually for the same reason, because we see how oppressed people are today and are fucking sick of it.