You’re not alone in this situation, honestly reading this post felt like I wrote it. Maybe some of my insight can help although I’m quite late to the party.

I was in an LTR for almost 5 years, I’ve always been extremely jealous, needy, and everything in between, and I still am to an extent which I’m vigorously trying to work on, even with friendships I find myself this way a tad. I’m constantly analyzing my situations because I don’t want to be this way. I’m always trying to be the best partner, or the best friend I can be to my fullest potential. But my insecurities get the best of me, I became controlling, and overly jealous in my LTR. I push people away. I get so jealous over the most minute things that I get physically sick to my stomach. But from admitting I have such a problem I’ve decided to analyze my situation because I don’t want to be this way. I want a healthy relationship, I want healthy friendships, and I just want to be happy. The first step is being happy with yourself. I suffer from low self esteem, social anxiety, all the fun stuff. I realize when I’m feeling my best, when I’m not feeling so lonely the obsessiveness and the jealousy over the smallest things goes away (not entirely but enough.) I’m trying really hard to put myself out there and make friendships, whether they’ll be long lasting or not it’s something. I’m trying to find happiness in my lonely life and try to be okay with being by myself. When I’m starting to feel that feeling of jealousy because my SO liked a girls photo, or is talking to a female I step back and ask myself why I’m feeling this way. Is she threatning in any way shape or form, or is it all in my head? I try my hardest to keep an open communication with my SO, because the only way to work on yourself in relationships is to actually be in a relationship and actually go through the problems and the insecurities but keep an open communication.

But the first step to fixing this issue is to dig deep into your past and figure out why you feel this way. Were you abondoned as a kid? Did you come from an abusive home? And try to work on yourself from there, build self esteem and try and be happy with yourself. Also maybe look into therapy. It’s a good thing that you recognize this toxic trait in yourself, because you’re already one step ahead. My DMs are opened if you’d like to talk abou this further as I have/am been in the same boat as you. Best of luck!