I wish I could offer you advice, but I’m not sure I have any. I just wanted to tell you, I hear you and I can relate to how you are feeling. I’m so sorry for the loss of your boy, there really aren’t words.
I lost my brother 8 years ago this coming November, he was 24. I don’t have children so I cannot imagine how you feel in that sense but from someone who lost a sibling by suicide I also had anger at other people for all the reason you mentioned. I wanted to scream sometimes, “it’s not the same!” I also hated hearing “I don’t know how you’re doing it, I would need to be sedated and/or in bed” or similar things. People also said that to my parents, you may have heard it already too. I wanted to respond “I’m doing it because I have no other choice but to keep going.” I tried to remind myself that that’s how people are, we try to find the commonalities in experiences with each other. Empathizing with someone going through something that is hard to fathom unless you have experienced it is hard for some people to do so they compare it to a difficult time in their life.
My boss at the time had all his grandparents, parents, wife’s grandparents/parents still alive, had never had a close loss in his family and I was irrationally angry at him and by his attempts to empathize when it felt like he couldn’t possibly understand what I was feeling. I lost my mother when I was 9 (to cancer), 3 of my 4 grandparents by the time I was 18, then my brother. It seemed so unfair I could have so much loss in my life and he didn’t, but I also wouldn’t wish my experiences on anyone, I was envious of his lack of loss in his life (that I was aware of). It just seemed so much simpler and less heavy than my life. With my brother, time has helped, we remember the good times when we’re all together now but my family and I have been changed forever. I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. Please be gentle with yourself, it will likely get harder before it gets easier and I’m sorry for that. If you would ever like to chat, about your son, life, anything please DM me, I’d be happy for I talk.