Hey, at least you're aware of what you need to work on to find stability in a relationship, and I'm sure you'll find it someday. You will build that self-esteem over time and someone will appreciate you and love you for who you are.

Thanks for saying that. I've been through a fair of amount of hardship but nothing compares to the betrayal and abuse that came from someone who supposedly loved me; it didn't help that I found out she had untreated BPD upon leaving the relationship, she never told me, but everything sort of clicked then. Though I did know she was suffering a lot and that something just wasn't right, I wish I'd known exactly what it was back then, but hindsight is always 2020. I'll get through it, but it's been tough; it was a very demoralizing and confusing situation to be in, and now I realize it's more tragic than I though it was. I love her deeply, and still do, but that amount of betrayal and abuse is hard to reconcile with; it feels shameful.