It is really early right now, but I thought I should write this since I haven't really slept anyway.

I know it took me a while; but I had to actually worked up more courage to speak to my mom about the DVDs. It took more guts that I thought it would.

So yesterday I brought the matter up with my mom, as many of you have suggested, in a manner as respectable as I possibly could. I figured as someone mentioned, it is best not to over think the whole matter and just speak to mom.

I didn't ask mom whether she was aware of the boxes' contents as some had suggested but I just brought up the matter directly with her. I told her I had watched those particular DVDs and she casually just answered that it was something the both dad and her enjoyed as a fantasy. She said that it was dad's idea but she did thoroughly enjoyed it too.

I honestly couldn't quite concentrate having a "normal" conversation with mom; I was too fixated at her cleavage while talking to her. I have never really got turned on by mom's cleavage before but I think after watching all those DVDs I started seeing her in a more sexual context. I think she could see I was trying to suppress an erection almost the entire time (I gave up halfway through the conversation, embarassingly so but mom just acted so casual).

Mom just went on and on about dad's sexual fetishes, which as uncomfortable as I was listening to that, I just could understand where my own sexual fetishes came from. Then she went back to the topic of those DVDs and she said that dad had actually asked her a few times before to "see if our son would want to fuck his mom". At this point I could safely say my mind went blank.

I can't quite remember a few things she said immediately after that but what I did remember after a minute or so of "mind blank-ness", was that it seems dad also had a fantasy where he would watch me fucking mom. Mom actually described in detail what my dad had actually wanted me to do with mom had she gotten me to agree with it. She refused it.

The conversation went on for a while; goes off topic to sex in general (how I was doing with my girlfriend etc.) and then back to the DVDs. Mom told me, very directly, that she wouldn't actually do incest but if I like the fetish, she doesn't mind me watching.

Towards the end of the conversation (I ended it by saying I had to leave to meet a few friends for drinks since I really couldn't stand speaking much about this with mom anymore, I mean, she's still mom to me), she said that if I had liked what I watched then there were "quite a lot more".

I just blankly stared at mom as she just got up and went to their bedroom without having waited for an answer from me. She got back downstairs with a paper bag (folded in half and sealed) and handed it to me. It felt like more DVDs inside. She did it so casually as if it was perfectly normal. In fact, when I saw the paper bag, in my mind, I pretty much knew what it was inside.

What I also made out of the conversation from mom was that apparently, after having role played the incest fetish quite frequently, it became the only thing that could get mom to orgasm. I was feeling so guilty and yet so turned on by what mom had told me.

So I left quite late that evening; as quickly as I could to my place, if only to watch the new DVDs mom gave me.

The conversation only got me thinking even more - does each time my parents had sex they were roleplaying me fucking mom? Does mom masturbate to fantasies of me fucking her? What does she mean by "doesn't mind me watching"?

I spent the entire night watching the six new DVDs mom gave me. My heart is pumping adrenaline so fast and hard I had to stop. So now I am writing this. I still feel guilt masturbating to those videos of mom; and I hope it doesn't affect the sex life with my girlfriend.

BTW, in one of the new videos mom gave me, dad and mom were acting out what mom had described being the things dad had wanted me to do with mom had mom did not refuse his suggestion.

As horny as I get, as incredibly satisfying as it gets masturbating to the videos, I can't help but feel quite guilty inside as I had said so many times. I mean, it makes me want to fuck mom so hard, but she said she won't do it (and as I said previously, I don't think I would actually do it either and definitely don't want to cheat on my girlfriend no less with my own mom) and I respect that. Does this even make sense? I am so confused. It just feels so wrong to be jerking off to mom yet it feels so good. I mean, she gave the DVDs to me afterall. Nevermind. I thought I would update everyone whom had written with suggestions to my original post. I am still quite confused and a little too tired (yes, from masturbating and thinking too much about what mom said), but thank you, guys!