Reading your reply. I definitely feel like the actual arguments that we find ourselves in aren’t the real issues. It’s more. It’s mine or hers; or both of our coping mechanisms for that hurt/trauma, what have you. I appreciate that spotlight. I have gotten physical as well and it’s been a total shit show. So much shame! But I have; like I said, tried to grow and learn and not repeat my sins. I’ve done well with that minus how I’ve talked and been an jerk. “My way or get the hell out” kinda mind set. And tbh I’ve been that way not because of her own issues. But because I’m terrified that if she relapsed and it becomes the normal. That I’ll think it’s okay for myself to do the same. Problem with that and why it scares me: I’m so much worse than she could ever be. Took a lot for me to get right. Ion like playing with this fire. Because I get self destructive. I hurt myself before I allow other to do it for me. Messed up thought process but it is what it is