I genuinely appreciate your response and post because I thought something was “wrong” with me for a long time. Even as I’m in my 30s it took a long time till past few years to accept “there isn’t something wrong with my having sexual needs/desires.” I never judged others for it yet didn’t apply that generosity to myself.
It didn’t help my family hoped to raise me Catholic and I’m in a liberal pocket of a conservative state. I definitely feel “accept what was offered” often, as some guys acted like they were doing me a favor for even spending time with me. While I’m not the societal beauty standard, I take care of myself and am pretty.
My kids are all still young, their father is otherwise a wonderful dad. He thankfully does like time with family. Affection/intimacy towards me just doesn’t occur to him, while he says he loves me. Shows the kid’s affection.
But often when I initiate it’s rebuffed or sometimes just tolerated. He isn’t gay, bi, asexual, or having an affair. We’ve talked a lot about it. I admit I spent a lot time observing in different ways to assure all the above before I even discussed it with him. I do trust him and know he trusts me.
I have had bad experiences with online dating and just in general, including being assaulted by a male friend in the past. I don’t trust easy. Still have insecurities. I also don’t trust someone in my town wouldn’t try to hold it over me/my family if I ever did “get out there” in the extramarital way (despite the green light, husband just wants no details & discretion).
The only person I’m genuinely attracted to and would trust with having an “arraignment” isn’t available for that. I’m glad they’re still a trusted friend who I can at least talk to about my insecurities and helped me feel like it’s not something wrong with me. So for that, I’m still forever grateful.
I hope you’re able to find an answer/activities that help you feel more fulfilled!
Btw I tend to delete a lot of my comments relating to this in a day or two so just explaining why it’ll probably be gone by mid week!