So a little back story, I like to provide context. I'm 31 and my wife is about to be 33. We are about to be married 12 years. Got married when I was in the Army as an infantryman, now a cop for a while, and have been through hell together. I'm mainly the one causing the hell. She has stuck by me through a ridiculous amount of stuff and I'm suprised she has.

It is very hard to disconnect from a job like being a Cop. You are constantly thinking someone is going murder you, see absolutely horrible things, things most people would never see but you do every month or few weeks, and a lot of people start to become reclusive. Which is what it sounds like your boyfriend is doing.

It's not healthy, he needs to find an out. For me my wife has always been someone I don't talk a lot about stuff, I tell her everything but mostly bummed down. She is also someone who I tell the absolute worst shit to because it really affects me. I don't have a close relationship with any of my family either and a reason why I confide in her so much. I try to not to go into detail about stuff but I have to when it really hurts my feelings or she will think she did something wrong. It's caused huge issues in our relationship and I've learned this is the best way.

It's a ridiculous balance and it affects everything. It's not easy but he needs to stop working as much, take vacation, do something he likes. You stop enjoying things, talking to people, and just existing. Its a slippery slope.

There's no good advice except personal recognition of an issue. He needs to relize this isn't good and try to do something different. I'm bad at this to sometimes and it's a daily struggle to not be like it. I'd say just be there for him, but almost force him to do stuff. If not he will work and lay on the couch. He needs someone to make him do stuff other than work, like my wife does to me.