Is she a narcissist? Watch Dr Ramani to help clarify. She has hundreds of videos, all are extremely informative.
Is she on the spectrum? Have you developed Cassandra Syndrome because of it? Watch Mark Hutten MA to clarify. He has made so many videos, if you suspect your wife is a narcissist, then she may also have ASD. Not all narcissists have autism spectrum disorder, but almost every autistic person I’ve ever met was a narcissist. They have trouble processing their own emotions and those of others, it’s hard for them to even consider others’ opinions and feelings.
These videos are made toward neurotypical wives with husbands who have Asperger’s and behave like your wife. You will need to reverse the terms “wife” and “husband” because your wife is the possible neurodiverse ND and you the neurotypical ND.