I am you.

I am starting my second year at a my school. I was literally miserable first year. After a year of rotations I was forced to join a lab where I like the research but was misled about the atmosphere. Science is a team sport and in this lab they expect you to play chess against everyone. I am winning research wise but am lonely as fuck. I spend more time redditing than I do interacting with humans in person. Nevermind that Ill have my first pub out after only three months.

If you want to make friends, separate life and work as best you can. I resolved after submitting this first pub to tell my PI to fuck off. When this gets published I will have the same number of pubs as her last student who graduated after 6 years.

I find no mentorship in my lab and no friends in my lab. I realized I have to get used to it.

I am sincerely sorry if this sounds negative as fuck. I am sharing what I have learned.

Heres the deal. Grad school is worse than jail. I have also been there a few times. Ha! Band together with literally anyone you can. Get out there and put your social life on the line. I have recently made a few friends by simply refusing to go into work and doing things I need to maintain mental health. Hiking, going out to bars, using meetup, etc.

I wish you the best in all sincerity but prepare yourself. Grad school is not for the weak. Talk. A lot. Talk to as many people as you can muster the courage to. You can do this. Its your dream and there isnt a single fucking thing that is going to stop it but yourself. Remove the self and own the new town. Get out there by yourself and make people talk. Make people see you as someone they want to hang out with and the friends will come. Even if it isnt exactly how you see yourself.

I usually try to meet older undergrads. They have some life experience. TA if possible. Put yourself into positions where options exist. Where people exist. Just. Fucking. Do. It.

I believe in you brother or sister. Believe in yourself socially and believe in yourself work wise and good things will come. Best wishes my friend. It gets better.