Man parks truck on top of car to defend family in road rage incident, police say

His descent into greed and selfishness and disregard for his fellows began with a tuber. At first, as a naked mole rat, he followed the fundamental principle of his society, that all food must be shared. Nearly blind, he would navigate through tunnels that ran for miles, by whiskers, by smell, by the small hairs across his body. And one day he happened upon a tuber in the wall and nobody was around so he decided to take a bite. He arrogated to himself the privilege of dining alone and he did not, as was expected of him, rip the tuber from the wall and bring it to the feeding chamber, where one tuber could feed the entire community of 75 naked mole rats for days. Instead he left it there, covered it with dirt, and from time to time returned to it and delighted not so much in the food itself but in the taboo nature of the whole thing.

To allay suspicion he continued to eat with the others in the feeding chamber but he underestimated his own gluttony and could not stop himself from devouring his hidden tuber and so he found another and hid that and soon he became a fat naked mole rat. This was noted by their queen. She had him followed and his cache was discovered and he was imprisoned in a small chamber.

He was fed often and fattened further. Here in this small chamber he felt a sense of anomie, of alienation, and he wished for a way back into the folds of his society, to feel again that sense of belonging, of having a purpose beyond this relentless feeding.

The rainy season arrived and with it came his redemption. He was let out of the small room and he waddled through the tunnels and naked mole rats made way for him and they bowed their heads and pushed their bodies into the earth and let him climb over them, a sign of respect, for this his final walk.

He reached the main entrance. He felt the wet dirt beneath his feet and he stuck his head out of the hole and he saw the vague shapes of clouds and he felt the rain on his head and then slowly he turned around and stuck his fat ass in that hole and sealed it up. For with the rainy season come the snakes, those great predators of naked mole rats, and soon they were at the hole, and ravenous. They were biting his ass, seeking a way in, and if not, then at least to feed on his overfed flesh. But he was a naked mole rat and he felt no pain and he held his ass firm and refused them entry. And though bitten and bleeding and near to death, he held to his hole and so redeemed himself.

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