"I wear a gun on my hip... which is somewhere underneath this belly fold - or this other belly fold... fuck... it's here somewhere... just... just stand still for a bit while I find it... Ahah! here it is! oh... wait... that's a hot dog... maybe it's this hip. Yup - this is the one - here's my gun. or possibly my keys. Yup - it's my keys. Ummm... okay... so... let's all assume I know where my gun is, and that I could find it in a split second, so when you disagree with me harassing people who are paid by the local authorities to enforce local laws that have been voted upon and endorsed by the majority of the population, I can shout you down as an oppressor and threaten you with either a hot dog or my house keys, because I don't agree with current public policy and the only way I can express that is to get the other two guys I play D&D with to come with me to shout at people we don't know, but to us are completely indistinguishable from the people who actually make the laws in the flyspeck little town that I live in... but I'm okay with that, because I don't pay tax and I don't have a full time job, so any sort of confrontation that I manage to get on tape will get me views on Youtube that I can monetize... which means I have a virtually inexhaustible supply of coins to plug the meters in town before the "Parking Meter Stormtroopers" can issue a ticket to another citizen, because all fines are theft, all possession is oppression, and all penetration is rape - or so I've heard, because the last time I saw the gun on my hip was about three years after the last time I saw my penis - but I know they're all down there somewhere, so feel free to pat me down, officer... ahuh... left a bit... left a bit... down a bit... and a little bit softer... and now a bit faster... faster... softer... faster... oh! thank fuck! you found my house keys! thank you, officer... My mom gets upset when I have to wake her up to get in the house... you're a life-saver... thank you, I truly appreciate your help, despite the fact that you're a tool of state oppression and I will videotape you and shout at you as much as I please because the founding fathers *explicitly** stated that I have the right as a private citizen to videotape whatever the fuck I want, regardless of how the people I videotape feel about it, or what they say about it, because I wear a gun on my hip... which is somewhere underneath this belly fold - or this other belly fold... fuck... it's here somewhere... just... just stand still for a bit while I find it... Ahah! here it is! oh... wait... that's a hot dog... maybe it's this hip. Yup - this is the one - here's my gun. or possibly my keys. Yup - it's my keys. Ummm... okay... so... let's all assume I know where my gun is, and that I could find it in a split second, so when you disagree with me harassing people who are paid by the local authorities to enforce local laws that have been voted upon and endorsed by the majority of the population, I can shout you down as an oppressor and threaten you with either a hot dog or my house keys, because I don't agree with current public policy and the only way I can express that is to get the other two guys I play D&D with to come with me to shout at people we don't know, but to us are completely indistinguishable from the people who actually make the laws in the flyspeck little town that I live in... but I'm okay with that, because I don't pay tax and I don't have a full time job, so any sort of confrontation that I manage to get on tape will get me views on Youtube that I can monetize... which means I have a virtually inexhaustible supply of coins to plug the meters in town before the "Parking Meter Stormtroopers" can issue a ticket to another citizen, because all fines are theft, all possession is oppression, and all penetration is rape - or so I've heard, because the last time I saw the gun on my hip was about three years after the last time I saw my penis - but I know they're all down there somewhere, so feel free to pat me down, officer... ahuh... left a bit... left a bit... down a bit... and a little bit softer... and now a bit faster... faster... softer... faster... oh! thank fuck! you found my house keys! thank you, officer... My mom gets upset when I have to wake her up to get in the house... you're a life-saver... thank you, I truly appreciate your help, despite the fact that you're a tool of state oppression and I will videotape you and shout at you as much as I please because the founding fathers explicitly* stated that I have the right as a private citizen to videotape whatever the fuck I want, regardless of how the people I videotape feel about it, or what they say about it... because...

hey...

where did everyone go?

Fine... Youtube is gonna love this shit... best video this month, I reckon... hopefully mom will let me back in, because I think I've lost my house keys again.

dammit.