The Man with the 7 Second Memory (2005) - Incredible look at Clive Wearing, a former music conductor who suffers from severe amnesia.

I think I reply with seperate comments to it (because each will probably be a long answer):

  1. This is very hard to describe. It's like a couple of phases or "states" in a timeline that are constantly repeating in the memory without conciousness. Meanwhile I'm superhappy that this shit isn't happening as often as before and that I have weeks or months until it happens randomly again:

Phase 1: Do you know the feeling when you wake up from a nightmare? You feel your heart beating like shit and you start to get control back over your senses and conciousness.

Phase 2: You look around and you try to put everything in context. Then you realize "Phew, it was a dream. No problem. Phew..." at first and calm down.

Phase 3: You try to put in context where you came from and ask questions like "Where I am coming from? What did I do before? What was my focus and how am I progressing with my task?". That's where you need to remember things really good from the short period before in order to put it in context. I think the brain works here really weird and usually has this constantly "running as a background task" that people (maybe without ADHD?) don't reflect actively. This phase starts a panic because you realize that you can't figure out how the blurrying-out memories that you have in mind started.

Phase 4: You can't figure out how things started and what your progress with the current task is. You realize that something is wrong because it feels wrong to have no clue about what you are doing. It feels like being a zombie realizing; that you are in trance and you want the control back. You think of drugs first, so you mistrust everyone in the room at first, even if you remember the most-behearted person in the room trying to help you with a doctor (like a spy that figures out he was set on drugs to tell the truth).

Phase 5: You read your notes and your trusted clock, because you know you can trust your own handwriting. It's the single-only-thing that you can trust now. You check back what the time is and see a big heavy scribbling circle around these words on top of the paper: "3min (striked through), 2:50min (striked through), ~2:30". You check back time "Okay, last thing I remember was around 14:33 on the clock, it's around 14:34.5 now. That means around 1 Minute to collect info and help fix this shit."

Phase 6: Like in a huge class exam you fly over your notes quickly (time running out) and try to fix things as fast as possible. Time is now the most important thing in mind. "Quick, the bomb is going up, I need to solve it. Quick, stupid, quick. Or they manipulate me again. Quick. I need to get outa here.". When the panic is the highest you see some notes have marks and you realize "from a dream" that you did that before in a dream. Notes like "Lancer Evo VIII" with five-pairs of line-marks (dunno the word here?) afterwards. Then you count them and you figure out it was maybe for the amounts of how often you forgot the topic. As you can't remember it, you add another mark and get depressed.

Phase 7: You start to cry like hell because you realize you don't want to live like this forever. Your beloved ones come to mind (that are probably in the room trying to help the doctors) and your focus is now on them. You say that you love them and there's pretty much no reaction from them, which makes you more and more depressed. They probably got used to it. The last thing before the time runs out is that you pull the arms of the doctor, saying to him: "Please kill me, I don't want this anymore. It's okay. I don't want to feel no pain anymore. I don't want to be a ..." <RESET - SOMEBODY SET US UP THE BOMB> everything is now happening all over again.

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