Manic in therapy

Thanks 4 replying❤ I have had this since I was born. I remember being hypomanic as a little girl and oh how bizarre of a child I was.. My parents are emotionally unavailable and neglectful so I never got any help untill I moved out on my own. My first year of college, I was a party animal and made soooooo many friends, it just fueld the fire cause they loved me as an entertainer. When I got my boyfriend @ 20, we moved in together and then the destructive mood swings and paranoid accusations would kick in. He never seen anything like this, so I went on an online research and came upon bipolar, which coincidencedently I learned about thoroughly in andnormal psych the following semester. The descriptions online were soooo SPOT ON. I FINALLY saw my first doctor at 21 when a general practitioner prescribed me zoloft, which is when I lost it. I was sooooooooooo manic/still am. Looking back, I have been this way for the past 3 years. I CANT tell you the amount of things that have happened... like i honestly cant believe this. I remember before getting on the zoloft, i thought, how fun it must be, to be "manic", still second guessing my real diagnosis. But here I am. Never noticed how i got here. But now its really happening. I will think i am fine tomorrow and just do stuff then the next day i will be like WTF why did i do that? Im about to graduate college, have no home, no parents, cant plan and am not stable. I honestly cant think of one day i wasnt AT LEAST hypomanic besides little mishaps due to medication switches. During childhood, i vividly remember having cycles of depression, low energy and diff. behavior than my other self. Now, the cycles are much much faster and the mania becomes more frequent and the depression barely ever comes. Which is a good thing, cause my life sucks without this faux "happiness".

/r/bipolar Thread Parent