Why so many INFJs? (Skeptical, but open to being proved wrong.)

Hey there. So I'm in a cynical mood and this was an inbox to someone awhile ago. Maybe I'm mistyped or have a misunderstanding. I think a lot of people are mistyped.

Take this with a grain of salt because its the internet but Ive also had a lot of people in my life to claim to be INFJs.

I found a good way to weed them out. The ones who arent upfront about it and who usually you wouldnt think are INFJs, are your INFJs. The ones who talk the talk and act like an INFJ are usually something with an S or P.

Dont get me wrong, its actually awesome some people aim to be the idealistic version of the INFJ. A lot of good can come from it.

See, heres the fucking shit part about being INFJ that a lot of people don't talk about. Again, Im probably wrong about this but the distinctive quality is their empathy. The thing about the INFJ is that it fucking sucks ass. INFJs in person will conceal themselves.

The first reason why is we dont have a choice when we feel sorry for someone or not. We dont feel sorry. We feel their emotions. Its awful. Its so draining and its so fucking frequent. People are always leaking emotions.

Second, other people pick up on it and many will use it to their advantage. You cant stop it either, not until you set some boundaries. The boundaries often lead to the guilt loop. Do you know how easy it is to manipulate an INFJ? INFJs are also super fucking blind often due to their emotions and can't make sense of something that happened to them until a lot of time has passed to reflect. By then, they often won't realize they were emotionally manipulated until it was too late. So when someone asks my type who knows the myers brigg system, I take precaution.

Don't even get me started on INFJs and relationships. Seriously, I don't know why so many people desire INFJ personalities or partners. Like, once I get attached to someone (maybe again I'm not an INFJ), I'm not clingy but oh my god I really will not give up on you until you're dead and/or break up with me.

It's actually comical. Many people are like, "Thats so fantastic. You never give up!". No everyone! There will be a lot of times in your life when you should just give up on people. You know that song, "know when to fold um, know when to walk away, know when to run"- every INFJ should have that in their backpocket at all times. These things are a recipe for disaster!

Anyway, our empathy doesn't become us. We become apart of them. What we do isn't about us. Why the fuck do I matter? I don't. At all. If I start to prioritize myself then I'm being selfish and this leads to INFJs being super narcissistic. When we create boundaries, it feel like narcissism as we are prioritizing ourselves when all these other people need more attention. If I'm okay and doing well, then why the fuck am I not sharing more? I'm selfish if I don't. Behold the boundary problem.

They lose grip.

It seems a lot of INFJs don't get anything from helping ourselves and doing things for ourselves. We have to do it for something bigger than us. Many INFJs from the subreddit and others accept this as being almost angel like. I personally think (again maybe I'm wrong) INFJs have this philosophy because we are aware of how insignificant we are on a universal scale and that we are going to die one day. Grim but that's half the fun of the INFJ!

Many people will act in their favour like they should. An INFJ is more likely to act in your favour. If they act in their favour, they are likely to hurt the other person and absorb their emotion, thus hurting themselves (even worse, knowing they are responsible for it).

Anyway, hope this made sense on my part. A lot of people look at the INFJ personna or confuse their learned "morals" with ideals of themselves. It's not a completely bad thing. A lot of the people who think they are INFJs are some of the most pleasant to be around.

I found people who mistype as an INFJ are either something really close or just out of touch.

So just because something is rare, doesnt mean its special.

Empathy isnt some super power, its just being sensitive. It fucking sucks to feel someone elses emotions when you're just trying to go about your day. You don't forget it either once you feel it. It's like walking out of a shower, you're going to be a bit wet for awhile until you dry off.

Its like we dont matter and if we were to label everyone black and white in myers brigg, the only reason people like us is because we accept them for who they are. Because we feel them. This is why so many INFJs go through depression spells. We don't want to be validated. I don't give a shit anymore what everyone else really thinks because they're so far from my world. So why should their thoughts matter when they are incompetence, especially emotionally? They choose to be far from my world. Most INFJs, if we could act in our own favour without the feedback look, just want to be understood. I argue moreso, they want to be accepted.

Anyway, there are a lot of negative sides. INFJs are not angels. We also have a lot of positive sides but to answer your question, I don't think there are a lot of actual INFJs.

/r/mbti Thread