Why do many people say that marriage is "work?"

When life sends you a big curveball and you don’t agree on how to handle it. Whoof that’s work.

For us just in the last year: quit my job or stick with it? Pursue infertility treatment or adopt? Put kiddo in therapy or not? Refinish basement as a gym or spare bedroom? Get a bigger vehicle or use this one another year? Move away from family or stay here? Move into a better school district or not?

Plus all the everyday disagreements, miscommunications, and the general run-you-ragged-ness of life.

We get along great. We think similarly 90% of the time but we are still different people. When you hit a big disagreement, you’re going to have to compromise and find a way to make it work.

Then the ‘real work’ is moving through those disagreements in a way that both of you feel honored and validated, even though one or both of you is not going to get what you want. Then, you need to spend the next 50 years NOT building resentment over all those times you didn’t get what you want, while remaining open and kind to your partner. That’s a tall order for any relationship.

/r/Marriage Thread