Hi OP (original poster) /u/Jentheheb,

The reason people are linking you to the /r/relationships and /r/relationship_advice subreddits is due to the post being more about control than money. You have to take three steps back, put everything down, and look at it all from a different perspective. You have to see it from the other person's point of view. If you can't do that, you need more than a subreddit can provide.

From the start of the relationship until now, the terms of the relationship have been set. his money, your money, and the money used to pay for general expenses. There is no reason for that to change even for long married couples. It introduces the possibility of fighting over money where there wasn't any before. It gives one person who isn't generating an income control over the other who is. It introduces a lot of potential issues where there is no reason to have any.

If you were working 5-6 days per week, 8 hours per day, and had financial freedom to use the money earned through your labor, why would you want to change that? Why would you want to tie yourself to calling to discuss your purchases with someone else when you never agreed to do that from the start of the relationship? It might seem wrong, backwards, or improper to feel this way, but that doesn't change the fact some people do feel this way.

For some, it is better to use a Venmo-style approach to couple's budgeting. Two independent people who have shared expenses. It helps make sure everyone knows where the money is being spent and why it is being spent. There is no need for approval of each other's purchases as expenses are already covered. If that isn't acceptable, it is more about the control than money.

If your husband has savings, earns a significant income, and isn't placing the family in financial jeopardy with a purchase, it isn't a family decision when he decides to make a purchase. It is his decision. He made that 100% crystal clear from the start of the relationship through to now. That changes if he isn't paying for necessary expenses, money is being wasted frivolously while debt piles up, or something like that. From the information in your post, it seems you are financially secure.

tl;dr If you want money to manage, there is plenty of part time work available. Do not change from his money, my money, and shared expenses. Simply expand the scope of shared expenses to account for everything new.