Fourth Paragraph

Quick thoughts:

• does somewhat introduce yourself, your interests and motivations but very vague and hand-wavy
• doesn't summarize your undergraduate and previous graduate career
• doesn't discuss the relevance of your recent and current activities
• does somewhat elaborate on your academic interests, but very vague and hand-wavy

Longer thought:

This paragraph tells us that you want to do AI because it'll be helpful to industries. This doesn't tell us anything useful. What specific parts of AI, why industries, what benefits, why would they be substantial? Then you mention Bioinformatic, Material Sciences, and Space Exploration. Without remembering that you are a Chem E major, these seem a bit random given that at this point we know nothing else about you. Further, "seem ripe playgrounds of interesting datasets and astronomical potential for our future." seems wishy washy and takes away from the details you just gave us. This part just makes it seem like you are naming things you thought of as you were writing this rather than actually caring about something (be it industry or academic discipline).

Fifth Paragraph

Quick thoughts:

• does somewhat introduce yourself, your interests and motivations but very vague and hand-wavy
• doesn't summarize your undergraduate and previous graduate career
• doesn't discuss the relevance of your recent and current activities
• does somewhat elaborate on your academic interests, but very vague and hand-wavy

Longer thought:

This paragraph almost reads like a brochure for an AI program in that yes, all of those things are true, but I can't quite tell whether you actually care about them, how much you know about them, whether you are going to continue your studies on them, or whether you'll get a job in those industries. The final sentence "My goal is to be a valuable part of multidisciplinary teams that contributes this passion and skillset." doesn't tell me anything. What teams, what skillset, what passion, what of the 4 or 5 different industries you mentioned in this paragraph do you want to be a part of? In this paragraph you mention "autonomous systems" - so we now have two paragraphs with "automation" mentioned. If this is really what you care about - make it stand out much much more.

Sixth Paragraph

Quick thoughts:

• does somewhat introduce yourself, your interests and motivations but very vague and hand-wavy
• doesn't summarize your undergraduate and previous graduate career
• does somewhat discuss the relevance of your recent and current activities
• does somewhat elaborate on your academic interests, but very vague and hand-wavy

Longer thought: We get some details in this paragraph though they really aren't AI related or if they are, they don't mesh with academic AI research / graduate studies. While it's fun to think about "imminent threat of autonomous robots becoming our overlords", you are applying to a graduate program with serious people who have devoted their lives to studying AI and the various aspects of it. They probably enjoy a overlords joke as much as you do, but the statement of purpose is to show you are serious about the academic field you are going into. The one project you mention (in all of the paper) sounds interesting but isn't tied into AI.

Seventh Paragraph

Quick thoughts:

• does somewhat introduce yourself, your interests and motivations
• does't summarize your undergraduate and previous graduate career
• doesn't discuss the relevance of your recent and current activities
• doesn't elaborate on your academic interests

Longer thought: This paragraph tells us that you don't have a computer science background. Then you have a sentence that basic makes you look less awesome than you really are. Don't worry about telling them that you are unique because of being non CS - you're doing Udacity and building predictive models - what matters is that you're doing something, not that you're not unique. This sentence "I strongly believe in the effectiveness of multidisciplinary teams in developing creative solutions to difficult problems." doesn't tell me anything about you, AI, why you want to do AI, or why you want to do AI at UBC.