Now hear me out. When m$st$rb$t$ng you're essentially both giving AND receiving a h$ndj$b at the same time from a guy. That’s pretty f$ck$ng g$y if you ask me. Now say you see a cute guy, his $ss is so f$ck$ng nice and slappable, his juicy feminine lips look like they were made to be wrapped around your cock, and his hands are soft and slender, maybe even more so than your own (thereby making it even less gay). You make your move and he agrees to give you a handy. In this case, you’re simply receiving a handjob, you aren’t giving one as well. That’s half the gay, guys. Stop masturbating, it’s g$y as fuck. Get yourself a man that’ll give you a hand.

P.S. if you do decide to give him one back in return because his beautiful, glistening, throbbing c$ck is just sitting there asking to be stroked, just make sure he’s somewhat more feminine than yourself because technically, giving and receiving a h$ndj$b from someone more feminine is less g$y than someone who is more masculine (yourself).

EDIT: would giving AND receiving a h$ndj$b from a male be equivalently/less g$y than just receiving OR giving a blowjob?? Please let me know because I’m no gayer than the average straight man who indulges in m$st$rb$t$$n but I really, really want to s$ck my friend’s cock.