This is a really common problem with INTJs - often described as late-bloomers in terms of relationships.

You shouldn't feel bad about it.

As for being too picky - in general I find that INTJs get into relationships with INFJs and ENFPs. Seems to be a very consistent pattern, though I imagine by no means are those the only two solid pairings.

What worked for me, as I'm picky as well - expand your exposure to people. You're probably not meeting enough people to meet the one of two that do meet your criteria.

It'll entirely depend on what you criteria are - mine were specific to religion and cultural background. Not too many of my "own" around in real life.

I found a lot of people who did match my criteria on online dating apps. And I had particular success with finding people at religious conventions (since religion was a criterion for me).

So my advice:

• Take a look at what your criteria are
• Where would you expect to find people who meet those criteria
• Go there to meet people

That'll work a whole better than waiting for things to happen, especially for INTJs, who are by nature more secluded.