McDonald's menu during 1973.

As someone who worked at In N Out, I can tell you that the people who thought they were cool by ordering Animal Fries were the least of our problems.

You see, the menu is super simple, but there are a ton of different ways to have your food prepared.

Typically, it's not so bad and a specialized order would consist of adding another meat patty or making the burger animal style, but a lot of times you get the special person who wants the works.

If you want to be an asshole, here are a few bullshit items that will drive the kitchen mad:

  • Animal fries with well done fries: the well done fries in particular are a pain because you need to cook a special batch of fries while also cooking regular fries. It can be a bit of a hassle during rush hour (if you notice that the texture of well done fries are never consistent, this is why) plus you CAN BARELY FUCKING TELL THE DIFFERENCE IN TEXTURE WHEN YOU GET THE FRIES ANIMAL STYLE. Seriously this one in particular always made the kitchen pissed. Undercooked fries also require another batch to be made, but those aren't really ordered too much.

  • Medium Rare patties: this one shouldn't be so bad conceptually, but when you're working the grill and it's rush hour, it's really hard to keep track of the patties that need to be cooked slightly less. This causes the patty to be either undercooked or overcooked, and yes, we got A LOT of complaints concerning this (rightfully so, but still). Well-done patties are also a pain for similar reasons.

  • Extra extra extra extra everything: A not as well-known "secret" about In N Out is that you can ask for extra produce and sauce for free (even if you ask for it on the side). A lot of people took advantage of this and threw a bunch of "extras" at me as if it means anything when they order. You can add as many extras as you want on the ticket, but extras (past the first one) aren't really quantifiable and they're at the discretion of whoever is preparing your burger. More often than not, the prep didn't add enough of whatever they wanted to their liking, so the person would come back to the counter. Now, this is problem because we can't take back the burger from the customer and stuff more of what they wanted in the burger because of "cross-contamination". Typically the people didn't mind us giving them a bag of extra lettuce or whatever, but there was always that asshole who would want the burger be completely remade from scratch.

  • Extra, extra toasted bun: Similar to meat patties. A regular extra bun isn't much of a problem, but the added extras, once again, aren't quantifiable (hard to read the customer's mind). Plus, during a rush, it's easy to burn the bun if you're keeping it on the grill for longer.

  • Whole grilled onion: The grill almost always has chopped grilled onions prepared because it's a popular item choice, but they always need to make the whole grilled onion from scratch. For added fun, ask for extra!

There are more that I can't remember, but as a grand finale, I'll make you a complete, single order that will drive everyone (from the order-taker to the kitchen) go bonkers:

  • 4x4 (can't order more than four patties on a burger, unfortunately or this would be a lot more fun)
  • Medium rare patty
  • Mustard fried patty
  • No salt on patty
  • Extra, extra toasted bun
  • Cold cheese
  • Mustard and/or ketchup instead of spread (cooks fuck this up a lot for some reason)
  • Whole grilled onion
  • Chopped up peppercinis in the burger (another not well known thing)
  • Tell them not to include lettuce or tomato (but not both) to mix them up a bit and to keep them on their toes!
  • Extra, extra, extra everything! For added fun, ask for a side of something, as well.
  • Ask them to cut the burger in fourths
  • For the fries, ask for them animal style with no salt, extra well-done and extra, extra spread and grilled onions. For extra kicks, ask for another order of animal fries with undercooked fries.
  • If you're ordering from the drive-thru, tell them to mix a bunch of sodas together in an XL cup.
  • If not (or if you want a shake as well), ask for an XL Neapolitan shake.
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