My step dad is very busy, and for a while I would listen to what my mom had to say about him and I sort of resented him too. "How could he not come home and help with the kids after work, how could he go out to see his own friends?" But then, something clicked and I thought "Wow, this is really messed up. He is a person with feelings. It's fine for him to take a shower after working all day, it's okay for him to see his friends. He's not /obligated/ to be there at my mothers call after trying to hard for so long to get her to love him." So I began talking to him when she goes out and now we go out to eat frequently and talk. He's on the same page with how she needs help but won't accept that she's just as much the problem as everyone else is. Only she doesn't feel she needs to change. She feels that my step dad and I need to change. We are the root of her problems, to have her tell it. If /we/ did xyz, we wouldn't have these issues.
For the longest time, I though that I was the wrong one and that my mom was always right, I mean she had to be, she was my mom. But like I said, something clicked.She had been verbally abused by my biological father and we had visitation and custody battles for 9 years or so. I always listened to stories she told me of what he'd do to her. i saw him throw a cast iron pan at my step mother, and when he was drunk, he would tell me I'd never graduate and be a whore like my mother. When he wasn't drunk, he was an alright dad, and I give him credit for that. He used to tell me my mom was insane, but I'd just take it personally and tell her as soon as I could.
I was an only child until I was 15, and I always remember her bragging to others about my grades and accomplishments. After my siblings were born, I took the backroom and became a horrible, lazy person with attitude problems, and the babies have been perfect angels and doted on/over ever since.