Me [18/F] with my boyfriend [18/F] of few months, is it okay to get coffee with some guy I just met?

Your boyfriend isn't ok with you having guy friends at a distance. That's pretty typical for younger couples when they first go off to different colleges. You love your partner, and you want to trust your partner, but you see what other people are doing, trust goes out the window.

They will say the right things "Of course I'm ok with you getting coffee", and even reassure you of it. But with each re-assurance it will slowly become apparent that they are less and less sure. Until the inevitable breakdown.

And afterwards, you'll get an excuse as to why. They'll try to sell it off as caring a lot or missing you, something weirdly romantic. But the truth of the matter is that it was a slip; the insecurity is still there, and now they'll either work harder at covering it up, or be more controlling.

And that honesty and openness you had before? You'll find yourself in a place where you either feel trapped by someone who isn't there, or unable to share things with them because of this new found issue. And that could lead to you feeling guilt, or resentment back, making the relationship more toxic.

You've pretty well run through the first round of this cycle. And please don't try to convince yourself that this is a one time deal: unless you are content with only female friends this will happen again. Obviously this is a problem, and you need to put your foot down.

It's a simple matter: he trusts you or he doesn't. And don't buy the "it's not you I don't trust, it's other guys". Bullshit. If he trusts you, it means no more ridiculous flipping out over something simple and innocent like getting coffee. You can do it nicely, or you can simply tell him that shocker of all shocker, you're not going to mount everything with a penis that tries to have a conversation with you, and he needs to slow his roll. You've committed to him, knowing full well it would be difficult with long distance and that's either good enough for him, or he needs to man up and call it quits.

As hard as that may be now, it will only get worse if you don't deal with this now.

/r/relationships Thread