So here's the deal. We met online about a year ago. It was totally random. We were both out of a long term relationship and making fun of people because we were bored on a community website. I liked his hair and told him so. We ended up talking all night long. Things progressed from there..I'm talking 12+ hours spent on the phone because we just couldn't get enough of each other..he claimed to hate talking on the phone, so I felt special..anyway in less than a month I was head over heels. Now, I didn't think that would happen.
A little bit about my past: I don't speak to my father, and haven't for 4-5 years now. He abused my mother and he was very verbally abusive and intimidating towards me (bad mouthed my mother constantly, angry alcoholic (vodka is his favorite), and by the time I was sixteen I realized the stuff he said about my mother were lies and she was actually the parent I needed..I ran away and resumed contact with her.
At the same age of sixteen, I ended up in correspondence with a guy I'd met on an online game; I only intended to be his friend but he ended up threatening to kill himself if I didn't "date him." This evolved into him making me do things for him over webcam..this continued for several months and after I finally became so emotionally unstable (he controlled everything I did, wouldn't allow me to talk to any of my friends, etc) I told him to kill himself if he wanted. He stalked me for the next year. It wasn't until about 2 years ago he really stopped trying to contact me.
At 17 i started dating my best friend in Europe, whom I have known since I was 10. I went to live with him in England when I was 18 for six months. I returned to the US and went to live with a close friend of mine because my mother moved to Colorado. Though I had known this friend for 5 years it made no difference..he raped me in my sleep. (That was about a year and a half ago, six months before I met my SO.)
Now that you have my back story of many problems. Things with my SO were pretty rough from the get go, when we went official in April. He's an Aquarius and I'm a Cancer. By some miracle we stayed together. He had to move back to his home state which led us to fight constantly due to lack of contact and we nearly broke up, but pulled together 3 months ago and got a place with his best friend in my home state, which is where he wanted to move to. Since he got here things have been completely different and it's left me very confused and often devastated.
He has hugged me a total of 3 times since he's been here..all of those because I was absolutely breaking down and having a panic attack due to his behavior. The second I calmed down he let go. He never initiates sex and for a month we agreed to be abstinent because he didn't want it. Now it happens once a week and it's always the same thing - I initiate when I break down from lack of physical intimacy..go down on him..we go at it. Boom that's it. Sex used to be great..he initiated and was very un-selfish in bed..was the best I had. Now he won't touch me at all. Literally. Like he won't even kiss me while we're having sex for more than 2 seconds.
Aside from that, the only time he every touches me outside the bedroom is playfully. If I try to come and cuddle with him he bites me or wrestles me around to the point where I literally scream in pain. His response is that his little sister could take it better than me and if I don't want to get bit I shouldn't "bug" him.
He has explained to me on various occasions that he can't give me what I want. He used to hold my hand wherever we went and lay with me in bed. Since he's got here he won't even sleep with me..he sleeps in his chair.
He actually tried to break up with me because for a month I was crying nearly every day from the insecurity and rejection I felt. For the last month I've been trying to convince myself I can handle life without those things that I crave because I love him so much. Without these problems his presence makes me so happy. I have more fun with him than I have with anyone. But it's gotten to the point where I don't feel attractive anymore.
Right now he won't even call us a couple because he is not sure we are compatible for this reason (he is convinced he can't give me what I want) and I am wondering if he's right. The thing is, is it even possible for someone to be content in a relationship where they never touch their partner? I am such a physical person it nearly physically hurts to get rejected so constantly. Most of the time I can't even get him to spend time with me..he's always playing video games with my roommate.
I guess I'm just wondering if any of you have gone through something similar and what I should do.
Also worth noting: I have talked to him about this in depth..he just gets defensive and angry and refuses to talk about it, even when I'm sobbing in front of him.