I know all of that is true. But it makes it so much harder for me to let go of what has happened. It makes it harder to do the right thing because I just want to end things even more. He cares and he's the last person who does and he is gone, and I can't fault him but I didn't want it to go down this way. He could have told me he was calling my therapist. He himself sees me as a horrible threat too monstrous to even be in the parking lot but I have to appreciate him for doing what he did without telling me?

It wasn't sometime in the future. We made a plan, he was going to stick around through chat right until the day before, and I confirmed with him the appointment. I trusted that he knew that I was seeking help on my own and that he knows that for us to get the help we needed we had to distance each other from our therapy. It felt like a power grab at the last minute to say, I am in charge.

When I first told him I had clear plans to get help, he got angry at me and told me I was just against trying, regardless of whether or not he is correct its just not the case that he did this entirely just out of concern.