There's nothing knee jerk about people calling this what it is. A highly abusive relationship that, let's face it, has nothing to do with her drinking. She has to get her way completely with the implied threat that if she doesn't, she'll beat him and deprive him of sleep till he gives in. The glass of wine is inconsequential. Even sober, her choices are about having her needs fulfilled at the expense of his emotional and physical well being. He shouldn't have to live another night like that.

No one abusive is horrible all the time, or they'd never rope anyone in. Abusers can be incredibly charming and wonderful when they aren't beating you. They are also good at making excuses for the behavior, like, I dunno, "I was drunk."

Its frankly dangerous to suggest that if you just address the so called trigger, the abuser will just be the charmer. Because if you remove one trigger, there's another waiting in the wings.

I don't believe an all abusers are incapable of change, but certainly not without extensive therapy while single for many years. OP needs to gtfo.