3. Me [22M] with my best friend [22M]. I think we might be boyfriends?

Me [22M] with my best friend [22M]. I think we might be boyfriends?

Being me is weird. Sometimes I wanna die and other times I wanna take on the world. Sometimes I just don’t care. I’ve got a lot of dreams. I wanna be a famous actor, singer, and a whole bunch of other stuff. Thing is I don’t really do much to support those dreams. I used to sing on YouTube but people made fun of me so I stopped. I wasn’t really bad but they did anyway so. Thing is I’m kinda in love but slowly falling out of it. It was hard because he guy I loved was my best friend. He’s like the perfect guy. Nice super sweet hard working he wasn’t a dork either he drank and stuff and probably smoked occasionally and good looking. He started to stop feeling like a best friend and more like a boyfriend. But he moved. First he moved to New Jersey and then to California. Which compared to where I am is all the way on the other side of the country. And I don’t really think he’s gay, but no matter what I loved him. I know I did. He made me feel like I could do anything, and made me wanna be better, and whenever he texted me I felt like my heart was burning. Most of the time he was all I could think about. We’ve kinda stopped talking now since it doesn’t make much since for us to keep going. He doesn’t care though he’s got new friends in California and every single fucking time we talk he unintentionally brags about how fucking fantastic California is and it kinda kills me inside. So I broke it off he didn’t even notice. Everyday we don’t talk is just another day for him. But I die everyday I don’t here from him. I was just in the hospital and he knew yet didn’t even ask if I was okay. So I’m guessing that means it’s officially over except I don’t know what I wanna do with that information. I don’t know what to do with anything anymore. I have like no friends. My two best friends moved away my other two who are here are more invested with their girlfriends, which I won’t blame them for. To add to that my moms a bitch fathers distant grandparent agitating, sister also a bitch and brother is okay but we don’t talk much. I wish I could say I wanted a boyfriend but I don’t. I want him. But it’s impossible for him to see me any more than a friend. So yeah I kinda just wanna kill myself just to make everyone else feel bad. Which is mean but I’d feel better having everyone mourn over me and shit. But it would be pointless because eventually they would just move on and I’m alone, which is just how life is. So honestly what’s the difference. What’s the point of all this. Way I see it life is like watching movies. You already know how most of them end but you watch them to see what happens. It’s really stupid but we do it anyways. Sure some of them have an amazing plot twist but most are just the same basic ass movies that come out early on Netflix because they aren’t making enough money. Funny thing is tomorrow I’m gonna wake up more optimistic than a suburban mother who just found out her 12 year old son is a psychopathic murderer and just killed hid stepdad with the toy tools he got him for his birthday all because he got him the cheap ones instead of the home depot set. But I’ll always go black to black. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. So what should I do.

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