Me [23 M], my best friend [23 M] died six months ago, his widow [22F] and I are getting very close, I've always been in love with her

No. Nonononononononono. NO!

Do I have to spell it out how much of a bad idea that is? It's not even about the "betrayal" as you say it and if in year or two you and her still get together then godspeed. But you guys aren't done grieving. Far from it. In fact, you guys are probably amplifying each other's grieve by constantly reminding each other of your lost love/friend.

And if you get together with her now, it will be because of the shared grieve, not because of love.

Think about it, the only reason you want to make a move on her now is because your friend is dead. Again, this isn't the betrayal it sounds like. People need to move on eventually. But this is the foundation you'll be setting your relationship on. Do you want that?

What you need to do is create a tiny bit of distance. Enough to allow yourself (and her) to grieve properly. On your own. Yes, it's hard. It's fucking shit and hurts so... So very much. But it is a necessary step no one can take for you. Get a grievance counsellor as well. They are a tremendous help. Suggest it to her as well.

Do not abandon her but set up this boundary. Explain that this is necessary for the both of you... and for fuck's sake do NOT confess that you loved her since forever to her right now. She's already in a maelstrom of emotions without a tornado coming in.

Look, I don't want to rip out your heart with this. Could this be a relationship that could work? Yes of course. And somewhere down the line you can always try. But right now, neither of you is in a position to have a relationship. You're grieving, she's grieving. You might be her replacement toy for what she's love and you put her on a pedestral after decades of unrequited love. This isn't going to fly without LOADS of communication and right now neither of you can.

Focus on your own and her healing before you attempt this.

Oh yeah, and I'm very sorry for your loss. I wish you the best

/r/relationships Thread