Me [24F] with my BF [27 M] of 2 years - I'm moving away. I don't know how to talk to him about leaving/joining me.

First off, Congrats on grad school! I'm kind of in a similar boat as you, except for the currently living together scenario. I've lived in the same city for 6 years and with my masters degree coming to an end and the job search process happening, I've had to consider my priorities. Does my desire to move to a new place and find a "ideal" job trump my current relationship? Am I willing to do long-distance? Am I even capable of dealing with long-distance in a new environment and pressures of a new job?

My bf recently got a new job that he enjoys so I'm definitely not expecting him to move for me now or even a year from now. I also really don't want to keep living in the same city--call it wanderlust or a sense of feeling stuck personally and professionally. Like yours, my bf has mentioned prior that he would follow me or do long-distance, but I wouldn't hold previous declarations of commitment to be the end all be all. Current conversations and reassessing of current situations is hugely important--don't assume! Additionally, realize that it's 2 people's dreams and futures in the mix now. Yours is to go to NY, his might be to stay at his job in TX. Have a conversation about what those future goals may be, and if both remain firm, well then maybe it's important to honor individual's goals and do long-distance. I don't see that as selfish, really. In any case, you staying in TX would mean your bf would be "selfish" for implicitly asking you to stay while if you left for NY, perhaps you would be the more "selfish" one. No one really wins in this scenario, especially if your relationship is as great as it seems.

Personally, I say we're (I'm 24 too!) both still young and so many opportunities out there, professionally and personally. If long-distance isn't an option, I would just end the relationship there and try to maintain a friendship. I'm a fairly independent person and I've worked far too hard for my personal goals to be compromised or deterred at this stage of my life. Have an intentional conversation and be open. Don't force results.

Would love to hear what you decide. Good luck!

/r/relationships Thread