Hi OP, we have a few things in common!

My boyfriend also does not really care about "standard" relationship days - we hit four years earlier this month too & I don't think he's even aware.

I can't think of anything I would surprise him with, because just the thought that he really does not care about it all, makes me to not want to care either. The thing is I do want to care.

Keep caring - I've talked myself out of caring to the point that I didn't even notice my anniversary this year, but that made me feel even more sad. I'd given up something important to me.

My choice was based on "it's who he is!" logic. Dates like this are important to me, but (as you've mentioned) I don't want to make them into an issue anymore. When Valentine's Day seemed like an uphill struggle & involved emotional discussions for a couple of years, I sort of wrote off anniversaries.

So don't do it!

This is really important to you. It's not an issue with an easy compromise, but you should emphasise that you just want a couple of days a year where you can focus on how great your relationship is.

It also doesn't take a lot of effort to do something simple. You could set expectations as to what you'd like to happen on these occasions. If he on some level thinks these days have to be a massive deal that he has to spend weeks preparing for, this could help him see you just want to do something nice with each other to mark a special day.

I'm not sure how to get him excited about it too, but emphasising how happy it would make you might help. It's an easy win for him!

Making a big deal with your gifts/treats for him might do the trick for future occasions - as long as you don't go over the top & belittle anything he might attempt, obviously.

^{Feeling like a massive hypocrite}